So lately I have been very busy and I’m not sure I like it. I don’t think being busy is a bad thing if you are doing things that you find fulfilling, but I don’t think I ‘m doing the things that I want to be busy with. Most of my time is taken up by schoolwork. I find myself being consumed and drowning in the piles of work my teachers give me. I know homework is necessary sometimes, but when I’m sitting in my room all weekend doing work, I find it frustrating knowing that I could be outside experiencing everything life has to offer. Instead I’m stuck inside writing down notes about things I don’t usually care about.
Not all of my time is spent doing homework, projects, and other schoolwork though. I also get to participate in sports, hang out with friends and family, and do other extracurricular activities. I like being busy with those types of things. Being around people I want to spend time with is great. But then I find myself running out of time to relax and sit, and have a day just to myself. The last time I had a day where I just sat around, I had such a hard time relaxing because I felt like I had something I needed to do and I started panicking. That is what school has done to me. I got so used to having homework and projects over the weekends that when I didn’t, I couldn’t relax and enjoy it because I was too busy worrying about what I should be getting done.
When I get really busy and have to take time away from something, that one thing always seems to be sleep. I hate taking away from it because it is impossible to regain sleep time over the weekend. The 5:2 week day to weekend ratio immediately sets me up for failure to get back on a good sleeping schedule. I understand the phrase “you can sleep when you’re dead” but it really starts to wear on me when I constantly go day after day sleeping for less and less time. At some point I need to take a step back and realize what I am doing to myself.
Now I’m not the only person on the planet that does this, I have many friends who do the same thing. But my biggest problem is that I HAVE to finish all of my work before I go to bed. I can’t wake up in the morning to do it. I can’t get it done at school, during passing periods, sneakily in other classes, or at lunch. And I especially have a hard time leaving work either unfinished or not doing it at all. I can’t just not do my homework, because either I get behind and have to make it up another day or I lose points on it. Both of which are not an option. I also know people, or knew people, who were able to work their classes to finish their homework in every different class. The problems with this are that my teachers usually notice, a lot of my homework has to be done online, and I miss out on what we learn in that class, so I get behind and have to figure it out on my own later. Somehow trying to work the system never seems to work for me.
I just finished reading Hamlet and I feel like the character, Fortinbras. He only seems to do what he thinks he should, or what a person in his position would do, rather than Hamlet who does what he wants, thinks, and considers what he does. I know I need to do my schoolwork, to get good grades, to get in to a good college and grad school, to then get a good job and career. But I don’t want to be a Fortinbras, I want to be a Hamlet. To do this will I need to think more about myself and what I really want to be doing, or is that the stupid answer because it will get me nowhere in life? I think all this schoolwork has completely ruined me.
I hope I’m not the only one with these problems, and sorry this post turned into a go-off-on-everything, off topic rant. I didn’t plan for it to go this way but it did, hopefully next week’s post isn’t as aggressive. Thanks for reading, have a nice day!